So it’s been a few months since I posted anything. I took a break from everything! I’ve been going hard since 2011 and I just felt like it was time for a break. I was really nervous about stopping workouts but come to find out it’s ok. I haven’t gained 50 lbs or even 25, which is what I dreaded and although what was once semi tightened up is now back to square 1 waiting for me to begin again, I didn’t turn into Jabba the Hut. I feel like I needed a break from running, lifting, working out, being on a diet, writing blogs, all of it. I needed to get away from feeling obligated to work out. I hated that I was feeling stress about whether or not I worked out and whether or not I ran or signed up for a race. I needed to not care about it all and not care about it all is exactly what I’ve been doing.
I spent some time working on my faith and exploring what was missing. I’d like to say I did that one on my own but truth be told, it took me meeting some exceptionally faithful folks to realize that I wasn’t doing a good job in my own faithfulness. It’s in a better place now and honestly, I see the difference it’s making in my everyday life. There’s work to do every day of course but there’s a peaceful, joyful feeling with me every day that just makes me look at where I’m going differently.
Metanoia: (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversion.
I took a much-needed vacation for the first time in 26 years and it was good for my soul and good for my relationship with my husband. It’s been a long time since we weren’t tending to kids, doing things for kids, worrying about kids, driving kids, etc and truthfully it was just a little weird to be without them. It was good though and in hindsight, I’m glad we waited until they were grown to do that. I feel like our entire world has been devoted to them as it should have been when you take on the role of parent. it’s not about you while they are growing up. You sacrifice that for them, and we did willingly and lovingly. As much as I complained about never having a “me” vacation, I wouldn’t change the way we did it. My kids come first and NOW it’s my turn to do for me, for us. We’ve earned it.
The holidays ran over us like a Juggernaut, one right after the other and now here we are staring at 2020. I feel like I’m ready now to inch my way back to a routine of some sort and perhaps a goal or two to drive me along throughout the year. I feel like 2020 is going to be an awesome year for me for a lot of reasons. I’m working on some personal goals and planning to have an amazing year with a lot of overdue triumphs and fewer tribulations. I’m ready to get back into the swing of things and get things done.
So here we go, into 2020. I’m strapped in, engines revving, guns ready to blaze a trail through this year making good choices, no apologies and checking things off my list one at a time. Not too many things on my list, just some good ones that have been on my mind for a while. Subscribe and follow me as I figure my way through 2020.
designed to be done for time. I was not prepared to expend that amount of energy all at once. It was eye opening for sure and gave me a few personal goals to strive for. I was sweating, out of breath and cursing more about the fact that I wasn’t handling it as well as I thought than it was because it was as hard as I felt it was. Sometimes motivation isn’t about a new size or cute leggings. Sometimes it’s about being better than today and yesterday and striving to raise your bar. I will be better than I was today because I desire to be so I will be no matter how long it takes to get there.
So, without looking desperate or going home like some wimp, I jump on the first machine I can get to and I begin to formulate a new workout plan. When my routine is planned out ahead of time it’s normal and predictable and totally ok. Today was supposed to be leg and ab day but now it’s no. So now I’m on said machine, which happens to be an elliptical machine, and I start running or trotting whichever you prefer. As I’m now off my plan and a little miffed as I rearrange my plan. When this happens it’s almost always over the top or more than I need to do like I’m making it up to myself like some terrible dead beat dad that sees his kid once a month and just buys him or her things to make up for everything else that they aren’t doing to be a good parent. Ok, maybe that’s a little exaggerated but I begin to justify my actions and the change in plan. My mind first goes to the fact that I promised myself that I would add another cardio day to my weekly routine. Ok, that’s good and that alone would make this change in plan a success. BUT NO! I must do more and then justify that as well.
I’ve only spent 32 minutes on the elliptical which would make this a less than average workout at best. I should at least put in the hour or 50 minutes minimum. Push harder to meet your standard gym visit but don’t go crazy because tomorrows plan calls for a cardio day. So we want to do more but not so much as to ruin my legs for tomorrow which holds the stupid stair master, running on the DM and the all mighty rower.
minutes would have been just fine and no one but me cares. This is what happens with a change in my routine. It throws me for a crazy overachieving freefall where I feel I have to do extra to feel good about what I’ve done.
Fifty. Now What? 