Category Archives: Starting over

Some Days Getting Back On Track Means…

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Today I will embark on a second stab at Yoga.  Now I think of Yoga as a sort of self-torture that reminds me of just how unflexible and out of shape I am.  I have done it a few times and I always feel like a Hippo.  I found one person on YouTube that I like so it’s going to me and her and me tonight and by that I mean her leading excellently with me grunting and groaning along.  It’ll get better because I know all things get better with practice.  It’s a lazy way to say I did something without fighting the crowd of resolutionists at the gym this time of year and smelling like a hog.  My hope is that I can like it more and incorporate it regularly into my new fitness regime.  My belief is that I can use it in addition/conjunction to learning how to meditate (another goal for me this year).  Strength comes from all sorts of exercise and one thing I need more of is small muscle strength and flexibility.  Both can be achieved through Yoga.  Tonight I’ll be sure to remember to use my Yoga mat and take my socks off.  Last week I didn’t do either and I kept slipping on the carpet.

I did go to the gym two nights ago and ran on the treadmill.  I had only intended to walk but I got there and thought to myself, “Self, a run doesn’t get any easier / convenient than on the treadmill”. 1)  It’s not cold inside. 2) the bathroom is not far away.  So I bullied myself into it and did 3 miles, alternating walking and “running” (more like trotting) the whole way.  It got done and I felt successful having pushed a little more than I was going to.   Actually just going in was a success since I had convinced myself that it would be packed with the resolutionists ( one of which I sort of am now having not run in a few months) and that the chances of my getting a treadmill were slim.  I drove by (which by the way was the whole goal originally anyway) and to my amazement, there were a few open DM’s so in I went.

There you have it.  How the lazy man’s mind works when it comes to getting back on track.

 

ATF (After The Fact) – I did not do Yoga last night.  Why?  Because i was so tired from work that I could barely keep my eyes open.  I tried meditation but fell asleep.  Try again today..

Embracing Metanoia

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So it’s been a few months since I posted anything.  I took a break from everything!  I’ve been going hard since 2011 and I just felt like it was time for a break.  I was really nervous about stopping workouts but come to find out it’s ok.  I haven’t gained 50 lbs or even 25, which is what I dreaded and although what was once semi tightened up is now back to square 1 waiting for me to begin again, I didn’t turn into Jabba the Hut.  I feel like I needed a break from running, lifting, working out, being on a diet, writing blogs, all of it.    I needed to get away from feeling obligated to work out.  I hated that I was feeling stress about whether or not I worked out and whether or not I ran or signed up for a race.  I needed to not care about it all and not care about it all is exactly what I’ve been doing.

I spent some time working on my faith and exploring what was missing.  I’d like to say I did that one on my own but truth be told, it took me meeting some exceptionally faithful folks to realize that I wasn’t doing a good job in my own faithfulness.  It’s in a better place now and honestly, I see the difference it’s making in my everyday life.  There’s work to do every day of course but there’s a peaceful, joyful feeling with me every day that just makes me look at where I’m going differently.

 

Metanoia:  (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversion.

I took a much-needed vacation for the first time in 26 years and it was good for my soul and good for my relationship with my husband.  It’s been a long time since we weren’t tending to kids, doing things for kids, worrying about kids, driving kids, etc and truthfully it was just a little weird to be without them.  It was good though and in hindsight, I’m glad we waited until they were grown to do that.  I feel like our entire world has been devoted to them as it should have been when you take on the role of parent.  it’s not about you while they are growing up.  You sacrifice that for them, and we did willingly and lovingly.  As much as I complained about never having a “me” vacation, I wouldn’t change the way we did it.  My kids come first and NOW it’s my turn to do for me, for us.  We’ve earned it.

The holidays ran over us like a Juggernaut, one right after the other and now here we are staring at 2020.  I feel like I’m ready now to inch my way back to a routine of some sort and perhaps a goal or two to drive me along throughout the year.  I feel like 2020 is going to be an awesome year for me for a lot of reasons.  I’m working on some personal goals and planning to have an amazing year with a lot of overdue triumphs and fewer tribulations.  I’m ready to get back into the swing of things and get things done.

So here we go, into 2020. I’m strapped in, engines revving, guns ready to blaze a trail through this year making good choices, no apologies and checking things off my list one at a time.  Not too many things on my list, just some good ones that have been on my mind for a while.  Subscribe and follow me as I figure my way through 2020.

 

Gone for a while

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meI’ve been gone for a while.  I was writing all the time but I let someone bully me into eliminating 7 years worth of diaried thoughts, events and motivation.  They didn’t like my language and thought it was unprofessional to write that way.  Yeah the blog NO ONE read was going to prevent me from opportunities.  OK, Maybe but shame on me for listening.  shame on me because writing makes me happy..  Not cool Girlfriend but it’s ok.  So this is my new beginning.  This is my place for reflection and creation as I head into my “big one” birthday in a few months.  I’m half way through my life.  Where am I going and what am I doing with the second half?   This is my favorite picture of me and how I want to look every day for the rest of my days.  Happy.   This blog is about approaching 50, hitting 50 and life after 50.  Fitness is my focus and this space is primarily about what that looks like at my age, for me.  Writing about working out and what I can do and achieve.  How I am using food as fuel for those workouts and learning how to do that better to reach my goal.  Writing about races (I run) and goals and putting me first.  I feel happy when I write and I’m happy to be back.  My old writings were started by and filled with rage and anger and sadness.  I started running so unhealthily to deal with one of those life blows that you just don’t see coming that take your breath right out of your body until you feel like you will die.  Something that nearly ended me mentally which would have led to physically if I didn’t find a way out, has been what has built me back up to be stronger.  It’s what drove me to start running and writing in the first place.  It’s given me the strength to find myself again.  I’m not there anymore so starting a new blog is ok with me.  Letting go of stuff is necessary to move on so let’s just do that.  Today is a new beginning.