So this week I had two rest days which was unintentional but necessary.  I’m ok with that because I’m trying very hard to look at my fitness in a different way other than listening to the “you suck because…” speech that I seemed to always give myself.  In reflecting on this week there were three things that stood out to mention in the weekly reflection.

Wrestling with Carbs is a pain- Yes yes yes!   Counting stupid carbs is a pain in the butt and I hate it but I will keep doing it loosely as the focus is now calories.  I want to see what happens by feeding the machine more.  I’m seriously fearing the pudge but holding out praying it’s muscle if so.  I am going to figure this feeding the machine thing out one way or other!

You have to step outside your comfort zone.  Working out is a job in and of itself.  You have to plan it, do it, revise it and do new things too. You can’t stay on machines all the time and you can’t do the same exercises all the time.  You have to switch it up and even do the same exercises differently to work other little stabilizer muscles to get that well-rounded fitness level going on.  For example, I now have incorporated groups of movements as a set and one or two of those three need to be a new movement.  I also, when on the adduction machine, lean forward and grab the tower sides with both hands and do 10 reps then I sit back and do another 15 reps.  It works your body in slightly different ways.  so much work but we’re getting to the “it’s worth it” stage.

If you’re not tired when you leave you didn’t work hard enough.   I was the queen of working but not really putting in the dripping effort.  I figured that I would keep working and eventually I’d get there.  I’m not convinced any longer about that so I’m switching it up and working hard enough to be out of breath at each set of exercises that I am feeling drained when I leave.  Today I walked 10 minutes on the stupid stairs at almost “get me the eff off this machine” level.  I was huffing and puffing and tired.  I went rather briskly and only brought it down once to catch my breath.  It was the hardest I’ve worked on the stairs ever.  It felt good!

Will power is a must have but not for food.  Will power for leggings.  There I typed it OK!  I have a CVG problem!  Yup, Constantly Varied Gear makes squat proof leggins (truth!) in the best patterns and I want them all.  Today I bought 2 pairs.  It was only$67 bucks because I got 15% off but I already own 4 pair.  Do I really need two more no but YES!  I don’t have many vices but workout gear is just awesome and these leggings are hugely compressive so they feel good on my legs after I work my legs.  I love them but I need to dial it down.  Hey, at least it’s not a food addiction.

This week I had a few things I thought worthy of sharing in my weekly reflections.

• You have to pay attention to your body and other people’s concerns.  The older you get the more you need to watch what your body is telling you or you are going to get hurt!  Don’t ignore it.  If it hurts, rest it.  If you pull it, stop doing it. if you don’t know how to do it, look it up or for the love of God ASK someone.  Plenty of people will help you.

• Switching it up can also mean having a light week.  I believe in keeping your body confused.  Meaning not doing the exact same body part on the same day every week and not sticking to the same exercises for those body parts. I was doing that and It not only got boring and mundane but sometimes the equipment I wanted was taken.  Now that could happen anyway, however, I feel like switching it up with what your doing also lowers your chances of having to wait for a machine.  Space is always limited in my gym so that’s always an issue and a reason I workout at home but at home, I don’t have all the great equipment that I want.  This weeks switch up came in the form of a light week.  Less hard exercising and more laid back routines like running, short workouts with higher weights and working out at home with less temptation to work quite as hard.

• Finally, the try try again lesson.  I have spent three months working on my eating habits.  I’ve changed my macro count plan I think 5 times now.  I tried it the first time for a month.  when my weight didn’t go anywhere south, I switched it up to high carbs on workout days.  No change so I changed it so I had high carbs the day before a workout.  Nothing.  Now I know muscle – fat trading doesn’t always equal less weight and in fact, it probably means more weight but I’m not lifting enough or long enough at a time to bulk up.  I just want to dump 10 pounds.  Next, I did a “ramp up” on carbs to then dump them the day of harder workouts and yet no change.  This time I’m going to focus on calories, not carbs (I will count carbs but it won’t be my focus) and my plan is to see if more food works.  There are many writings that insinuate that if your body isn’t getting enough food, then it goes into “starvation mode” keeping what it needs to survive.  If you feed it more it works better for you so this time that is what I’m doing.  I’ve hovered between 1300 – 1900 calories during any day in the weeks.  According to several websites and experts, my ‘maintenance’ calories are between 1865 (what!) and a holy shit 2650 for my current weight!  What the hell!  That seems like a LOT of calories to consume to lose BUT, I’m going to try this and work very hard to stick to a high fitness plan Sun – Fri and taking Sat as rest days as always for the next two weeks.  If in two weeks my clothes are tight then I’ll know to rework what I’m doing.  If they aren’t and I’m seeing any changes or the scale (which I don’t allow to rule my choices) follows suit in its reflections then I’ll stay the course.  stay tuned

I had a few things I want to share from my happenings.  I worked hard this week both on my own and in class and I’m tired to prove it.  I had a few good takeaways that I’m offering as encouragement or motivation or whatever you want to think of them as.  Here they are.

Energy Comes From Many Places- There was a girl in class who is physically appearing to be far behind me in her journey.  She can’t do as much as I can which is totally ok, she’s just on her way. She’s been regular like me in class and tries hard.  On Tuesday after class, I told her I would see her on Thursday.  She said it would depend on how she felt that day.  Today I know the feeling! So I told her that’s how we do this journey, one day at a time, one workout at a time and then I patted her back and told her not to get discouraged.  I was happy to have tried to lift her up to come again (she did) that I made time and found energy for just one more thing that day.  I had already done stairs for 5, treadmill walking for 20 and class but I went out and did the rower for 5, which is about all I could stand or give.  You see, energy comes from many places!

You can do anything for 30 seconds. In class, we do each set exercise for 30 seconds to a minute depending on whether or not the instructor has one exercise that takes us all longer.    The rest of us suffer on those occasions!  But that is ok because the entire time that I’m in class I remind myself and my classmates that anyone can do anything for 30 seconds and I just keep saying that to myself when it gets hard.  Occasionally I go a little slower or pause a second to let my muscles rest and reset but mostly it gets me through class if I’m struggling, especially on Thursdays when I take a double class.

Just get lost in your playlist.  This week on Wednesday it was a weight day.  I was stuffed in the corner because all the newbie resolutionists aren’t gone yet.  It’s nice over there because no one walks by you or bothers you pretty much soI bring all my equipment over and just do my thing.  This week it was legs and I was going to do abs.  I finished my legs and then just started doing arms then more arms and before I knew it I had been there over an hour and given my arms and legs a good workout for me.  I’m a 45 minute to an hour max usually but I was groovin to the tunes in my head just going from one exercise to another.  It was great, I didn’t feel like I wanted to leave, didn’t let my work at home call me home early either.  I worked out until I was done done and it was great.  I mean I’m usually done when I leave but there are exercises that I lay out that I don’t do because I always write down too many!  I can get an average of 8 exercises in during a one-hour gym workout.  Of course, that’s 24 sets plus rest time which is how it takes so long.  Tuesday was great because I just felt good and kept on working.  Make sure you have good music!

Let your body rest when it needs it. It’s Saturday and Saturday is a rest day or has been the rest day regularly for 2 months.  I really like having a dedicated rest day and I LOVE having Saturday as that day.  It just works for me.  This week was a hard worked week for me and my body is tired.  I’m usually up on Saturday between 5 & 6 but today I didn’t roll out of bed until 8!  That was only because I had to get my daughter out of bed so I’m pretty sure I would have been out until at least 9.  My body is telling me it’s had enough for the week and I’m listening.  I’m now at the age where I really have to listen when the body talks because I don’t heal as fast and I get hurt easier than I used to.  I don’t want to be out of commission so I’m paying attention.  Probably why I’ve worked regular rest days in.  Yesterday I had a not unfamiliar incident happen to me at work just before it was time to go to the gym.  to make a long story much shorter, I have a diaphragm “thing” that happens.  When it happens it’s like it has a seizure so it feels like getting punched in the stomach.  Pain across my chest and down my arms, sweating bullets and massive discomfort.  It passes within 20 minutes and then I’m fine again.  I think it’s from years ago using an old Ab Doer.  Anyway, this thing triggered and lasted just 10 minutes this time but I was afraid to go to the gym and do things like rowing where I’m crunched over, which was in my plan for the day. It seems to happen when my diaphragm is contracted but not always.  Anyway, I went home instead and rode my bike for 30 minutes so that if it happened again I wouldn’t be far from my bed to lay down. You gotta be flexible and let your body rest when it needs it.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t push through sore muscles, I did that all week.  I’m saying when you really need to rest do it.

This week I worked really hard.   I stepped up my weight, routine, exercises and my macro counts.  I tried new classes more than once and I added components to my routine to challenge myself like using 8 lb weights on the Stairmaster.  It was harder and I felt like I was better for it.  There were many things that I made mental notes about this week that I want to share.

You can’t make someone do something-  The guy I work with, Rich, goes to my gym.  We’re always asking each other if we are going to the gym each night.  It’s almost like an accountability thing.  He saw that I was rowing and mentioned always wanting to try it but he never did.  I told him he should try it because it was so good for you but he pretty much avoided doing it probably because he didn’t want to do it alone.  Well no matter how many times I ribbed him about trying it he didn’t.  You can’t make someone do something, they need to want to do it.  Friday, Rich walked by me on the rower and he sat down and asked me to show him how.  I thought he would do it for a few minutes then leave but to my surprise he did 2,500 meters!   I think he was nervous about it hurting his back, which it didn’t.  He just needed to try it himself because people don’t know until they try it.  I told him I was proud of him and I hope he does it again.

change is good in your routine-  THis week I took three classes, used weights in my routine, switched up macro counts and added another cardio day like I said I was going to.  It was not only a challenging week for me but a nice change of pace to what was beginning to be the same old routine and stale.  Stale because I only have so many variations of exercises and I find that I sort of stick to the same ones many days.  I felt reinvigorated and my body confirmed that I worked hard.  I was happy for Saturday which is my regular rest day.  I feel accomplished because of it.

Try new things.   I mentioned that I took classes this week.  I took PF360 burn twice and PF360 strength as a change up in routine. I’ve watched the classes going on since September and decided it was time for me not to be a spectator any longer.  These classes were hard.  Not only were they different exercises but they had me panting for breath and struggling to finish a 30 second round before going to the next station.  It’s a circuit workout for weights that seem to focus on the upper body which is my weak point.  I actually lifted 2 thirty pound kettlebells (one in each hand) over my shoulder resting on my back and did squats.  HARD!  I could barely lift those muthers!  I did it though and I was proud of myself for not quitting.

It’s ok to have more than one rest day-  I mentioned I was happy for Saturday being my rest day.  That was no lie. My shoulders were so sore and so were my legs and whole body.  Rest was well received but Sunday came and while turning over in bed I bent my left leg up and had abdominal pain.  I don’t know if it was muscle strain or perhaps something else.  No bleeding and no residual pain once I got up for the morning but between that little weird event and the 30-degree morning and not wanting to work arms today, I decided that at 50 it’s ok to err on the side of caution and rest just one more day.  I have another challenging week ahead of me like last week.  I am not in training for anything, not competing against anyone and not entering any bikini contests so I’m ok resting today too.  No one but me cares and I don’t care quite that much to push quite so hard needlessly.

So I learned a few things this week.  I am evolving my routine and mindset to improve every day and every week and I think I’m still making progress in the right direction.  It’s been an outstanding week and I hope to have another one starting tomorrow.

So here we are at week 10 thinking about last week and what lessons we learned.  I didn’t write a lot this week but it’s the busy season for me doing things for the Raynwater Players show.  No kids in it anymore make it hard to focus on that stuff but I am committed to helping out.  I do what I can but only after my priorities are done which pretty much is the gym.  So, this week here are the things I thought about.

1. You must have will power.  When food calls to you just because it’s in the cabinet that is all you and your lack of being able to say no and be happy that you had all your nutrients for the day.  it’s like smoking or any other bad habit.  it’s up to you to say no.

This was hard for me a couple of times this week and in fact, I did fail a few times to stay on track.  Like going out to dinner with my running friends on Thursday.  I planned out my entire meal and should have had 58 carbs and 158 calories left with the meal plan I laid out and the food I should have ordered.  Instead, I let a craving change what I had and I ended up at 52 carbs and over in calories by 73.  Now, this is better than where I actually thought I ended up but had I not caved to cravings I would have ended up better.  Stay strong because it only makes it harder to reach your goals when you’re not

1. You’ll know when it’s working.  These days, my judgment of whether or not my process and efforts are working is whether or not I go to bed hungry at the end of the day.  It may sound silly but I feel like my body is trying to be in charge which I know to be true with the reading that I’ve done.  The body fights for fat and calories to stay in its happy place. When you deprive it of where it thinks it should be, which is the arena you are trying to run from including overeating and poor habits, it fights back and tells you to feed it.  Hunger is a hard thing to ignore so you need to get that under control and teach your body to process differently.  When I’m hungry at the end of the day I feel like I’m in charge of deciding what we (my body and I) are going to be eating.  This is why I get so mad at myself when I get home from the gym and start stuffing my face full of fruit and nuts while making the dinner I’d planned.
2. You’re going to have down days.  No one is strong all the time.  Sometimes you can’t or don’t want to work out.  Sometimes you unexpectedly go out to eat or there’s cake at work.  Sometimes these days happen.   It’s ok as long as you get up and get right back on track.  You’re not in prison and fitness / dieting isn’t a punishment it’s a lifestyle that we are choosing to partake in.  Whether it’s a food mishap or deciding to have a rest day, they are going to happen. Embrace it and allow yourself to have it.  We take vacations from work because we need to reset our brains to refresh mind, body & spirit so we can come back and work hard.  Everyone needs a break.  Your body is no different.  It also needs a break from the rigorous routine we put it through from the caloric restrictions we impose on it day in and day out.  In fact, switching up what you’re doing whether it is caloric intake or a workout routine that doesn’t get done or is swapped out for something else is good to keep your body guessing so it works hard.  Everyone writes about switching it up and the benefits therein.  Let yourself have down days outside of your regular rest days.  It’s good for you and your body to switch it up.

There they are, my thoughts for week 10.  On to week 11!

This week I’ve thought actively about what I want and what I am doing and what I am learning.  I’ve made notes about these things now for a long time in my blogging but only recently done so in a weekly list for reflection.   Nine weeks in and I’ve seen visual progress in my journey, had a few moments of discouragement and many many moments of reworking my plan to tweak it as I feel necessary.  I’m closer to finding my sweet spot and the plan that works for me but there is so much learning that I’m doing that it’s hard right now for me to feel that I’m at a place where I can ride it out and watch results for long before tweaking.  Thus far I’m at about 10 days into a set eating and workout routine.  I’m cycling my carb intake to ramp up to cardio day on which I dump calories and carbs.  Following cardio day#1 I ramp up for the next 2 days then drop again for cardio day#2 and end the week starting to build again.  It feels like the right plan so I’m in a holding pattern watching.  This is the first real pause in my constant change in my plan while I am experimenting to find where I need to be to get what I want.  So this week here is what I have learned.

• It’s ok to have a diet rest day. I have planned rest days on Saturdays and have stuck to that like glue for several weeks, nearly since week 1.  What I’ve learned this week is that an unplanned rest day is ok too.  I had a hair appointment this week on Tuesday which is my cardio day and not the day I would really have planned a hair appointment on had I thought of it when I made the appointment.   I thought I would work out at home perhaps on the bike when I got home but if you’ve ever had your hair foiled, washed and cut you know it’s a two-hour process at the minimum.  That foiled (pun intended) my plan for working out when I got home.  I’m a person of routine.  I need to workout right after work every day without fail or interruption or I get derailed from my plan and just say forget it and start again tomorrow.  So I didn’t workout when I got home but I was ok with that figuring I would make up the cardio day the next day which I did.  Back on track.
• Compliments from your significant other are great motivators.  Everyone is their own worst critic and I am no different. I’m always criticizing with an eagle eye and I’m never truly happy with my progress.  It’s just the way it is.  I was laying in bed one morning this week and my husband was giving me a back rub before we had to get up.  He said to me “you’re getting so small.  It’s the tightest you’ve ever been”.  I smiled and thanked him and if I could have gone to the gym at that moment, I would have just to do another workout!  It made me feel so happy and accomplished in my mission.
• You must be able to adjust on the fly.  Let’s face it.  Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to and if you can’t punt and change your plan on the fly you are doomed to fail or you will be unable to jump hurdles in your path.
• You must be faithful to your plan and yourself and put yourself first where it’s pertinent.  I found that it’s important to be able to assess what should and should not get in the way of your plans.  There was snow forecasted for this morning which was scheduled to start at or around 4 am.  I usually food shop on Saturdays but no way am I doing so in a snowstorm so the choice was either go Friday after work and skip the gym or workout at home.  I could wait and go on Sunday but that means no goodies until then.  OR I could go after the gym on Friday.  BOOM!  That was my answer. Now I do not want to go to the grocery store after the gym because I’m probably going to be hungry and the bill is always worse when I go hungry.  This I was willing to do, however, because I needed to go to the gym for myself.  Period.  If I don’t make me a priority then what else will I justify blowing off my workouts for?

Overall I have learned that I am a priority, I am motivated further by realizing others are seeing my progress and rest days are good for me.  It will be interesting to see what lessons come in this next week.

I like to write when I feel I have something to say.   Really there aren’t many people except perhaps my running friend(s) who might read my diatribes.  Today I thought it would be a good idea to write a post every week in this year reflecting on things I’ve learned or experienced that particular week in addition to my spontaneous writing.  It will help keep me paying attention to what I’m doing and feeling and now that I’ve written it, accountable.

This week I FELT the tweeks I made in the way I was consuming my food / macros make sense to me.  Not so much in the way I felt in my body but in my head it just clicked and made sense.  I know I’m on my “right track” because of this gut feeling.  Good job me!

This week I also felt intimidated by someone else.  I don’t usually care about people around me and I don’t get intimidated.  I take mental notes  from those around me so I can try new things but never have I felt intimidated like I did last night.  This was totally on me because the woman that sat down next to me on the rowing machine is the nicest person and someone I know and work with.  She said nothing but this person is in great shape!  She works harder than I do at staying in shape and clearly has figured out how to eat and workout for her needs.  She’s a little ball of muscle and looks amazing.  When she sat down next to me my immediate reaction on the inside was “row faster!”  I thought she was better than me but why I don’t know.  Then I had a little talk with myself.  1)  you’re 23 years her senior and you shouldn’t be trying to keep up with her.  2)  she isn’t trying to beat you and this is not a competition. 3) She isn’t the type of person who would come over and be a gym bully.  I kept rowing and I kept my eye on my goal of 2500 meters.  It used to be 10 minutes but now I row for meters no matter how long it takes me to get there.  The last time I rowed to 2500 meters it took me 13:09.  Last night I did it without killing myself in 12:24.  I’ll give her a little credit for that one as I probably worked just a little harder!  Thanks friend!

So that is my Reflections for this week.  Every day is progress and motivation to make tomorrow better, to make me better, to live better.