“When you start looking at yourself and focusing on the right things and looking inward, the things in the world that bothered you don’t seem so important anymore.”

Today’s Brenspiration was found in two places. First in my daily devotional, there is a prayer at the end of each day’s reading. Today it read: “Is it easy for you to get caught up in what you perceive to be great injustices around you, especially when you see that those who don’t follow God prosper? Keep your focus and trust solely on God, not on the prosperity of others.” This I have found to be so true. Not long ago I eliminated connections and had so much hate for those around me who seemingly had more than me. I disliked seeing other people’s vacation pictures and stories. I didn’t care to hear about family get-togethers either. I was just plain jealous of everyone else. I never thought about how angry I was at the world and everyone else around me until today. When I thought about it I realized that just about the time I devoted my life better to Christ and to appreciating Him for all I had was the last time I was angry and jealous about what others had and what i did not. Those feelings just faded away as my faith in God and our daily relationship got stronger. I just didn’t feel like that anymore. It’s amazing how much better my life is with God and how much I appreciate all I have now. It’s like a light turned on inside me that just makes it all clear that I have everything I need and God will provide for me as He sees fit. I am content in that.

The second meaning behind today’s Brenspiration is my son. He is interviewing for a job in SC today and the thought of him being so far away from me makes me so sad. I cry every time I think about it. Part of me will miss him and part of me is mad at him for wanting to leave. I have a really hard time with separation from my kids. Probably because I come from a family that isn’t all that interested in spending time with me or in knowing what’s going on in my life. It hurt so bad for so long that inside I promised that I would work so very hard to always do things that will make my children want to be with me, want to come home. I don’t want them to ever feel about me and Rob the way I feel about my family. It is what it is and it took a long time for me to accept that my family is who they are and being mad at them isn’t going to change that. The only thing I can do is change how I parent my children. Instead of being mad that my mother never calls me, I accept that God put me in charge of reaching out to them. God must believe that I need to be the catalyst for a relationship there. I can now accept how things are because I came to understand that if I look inside me and focus on what I can do, the hurt outside didn’t matter and I came to terms with it. I pray these days for my son to get the job he really wants even if that means he’s moving far away. It still makes me sad but I’m happy if he’s happy. He loves me and he tries so hard to not upset me and when he was away at school and even when he went to Germany for the summer, he ALWAYS touched base regularly so I could talk to him. I think I’ve done a good job and I know as I lean on God more in times when I’m hurt or sad or mad that He will help me make sense of it all and put things in perspective. When I focus on what I can do and I pray and put all my worries and stress on God’s plate, everything else just falls into place.